Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
