I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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