"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
