Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it fun? or sober?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
