My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
