How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
