I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
