guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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