Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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