I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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