OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
