Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
