have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
