I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
