I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
