I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
