Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize