Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So much Jack, so little girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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