I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
