well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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