You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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