Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
