talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
