I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My life is pants optional.
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