if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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