The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
