chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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