tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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