well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
