i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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