Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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