Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
