ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
