you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
