who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
