awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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