Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
