Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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