Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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