By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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