and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize