Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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