I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
