he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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