I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
