This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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