I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize