It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry about my life...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
