I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
