Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize