It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
