She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
