party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think my mom watched the whole time
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
