I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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