Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
