Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
