hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
