Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
