i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
