i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
