bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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