what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
