Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
