I hate all girls vehemently.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
