5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
