I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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