I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
