i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
