help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
