we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
