It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
