TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
