I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
